If you’re at a party and someone looks at you and says, "Wow, we’re really having a great
time," chances are you’re not really having a great time at all. Similarly, Microsoft’s "aren’t we cool" marketing for the Zune betrays the fact that Microsoft, the Zune, and the executives who spawned the device, are not cool at all. This was never an issue for Microsoft in the PC market, because most of the money made in that industry comes from huge corporations. But in the image-conscious consumer electronics market, you’ve either got "it" or you don’t. Zune … Not so much.
It starts from the top, from executive J Allard who–get this–is so freaking cool he changed his name from James to "J" in order to match his name to his Microsoft email alias, jallard@microsoft.com. I don’t mean this as a personal attack–heck, he’s probably a great guy–but Allard is the human embodiment of the Zune in the same way that Steve Jobs is for the iPod, so this is relevant. In recent years, Allard has not coincidentally remade himself into a slimmer, seemingly-less geeky, hip-looking … hip guy, I guess. This, no doubt, makes him seem cooler to the Xbox and Zune crowds he needs to impress. (J Allard is also in charge of the Xbox 360.)
The same faux coolness exuded by J Allard is all over the Zune, its marketing, and its packaging. The Zune is everything, in other words, that the iPod is not (or nothing that the iPod is, if you look at it differently). But I’ve got a newsflash for Microsoft: You can’t just announce that you’re cool. You have to actually be cool. Apple, the iPod, and yes, Apple CEO Steve Jobs–the human face of the iPod–are all cool. Paul Thurrott’s SuperSite for Windows: Microsoft Zune Review